THE FUTURE WILL SUCK FOR THE REST OF YOU.

The place: My house, I guess.
The time: Like, I don't know, 7:00.

JOSH: I guess I'm at my house at like, I don't know, 7:00

There's a bright flash.
And some kind of noise, or whatever.

FUTURE JOSH: Hello, past me.

JOSH: Are you riding a velociraptor?

FUTURE JOSH: No. You are riding a velociraptor.

JOSH: I knew it was only a matter of time before that happened.

FUTURE JOSH: I have come to tell you of your future!

JOSH: Wait, when exactly are you from?

FUTURE JOSH: The year...
              2031!

JOSH: That's... not that far from now.

FUTURE JOSH: Yeah, I know. It's actually about 2 years since I invented the Death Ray.

JOSH: I INVENTED THE DEATH RAY?!

FUTURE JOSH: Yes, I did.

JOSH: Who did I disintegrate first? Was it Jeremiah? I hope it was Jeremiah.

FUTURE JOSH: Unfortunately, no. Jeremiah is stuck in furry jail.

JOSH: Meh, good enough.

FUTURE JOSH: The first person you disintegrated was actually Bill O'Reilly.

JOSH: I AM AN EFFING HERO.

FUTURE JOSH: Yes, I am. The people of America banded together and bought me this fancy hat.

JOSH notices the hat.

JOSH: That is a rather fancy hat. But where did you get the velociraptor?

FUTURE JOSH: Right before I came here, I went even farther back. Back to when Teddy roosevelt was president.

JOSH: Is he as amazing as I thought he would be?

FUTURE JOSH: More. Much more.

JOSH: My god.

FUTURE JOSH: This was his velociraptor. I had to fight him for it.

JOSH: Bull. You're still alive.

FUTURE JOSH: You forget. I have a Death Ray.

JOSH: BULL. You're still alive.

FUTURE JOSH: But I also knew his one weakness. Badgers.

JOSH: You clever devil.

FUTURE JOSH: After the badgers, it was all over.

JOSH: On an unrelated note, what happened to everyone else I know?

FUTURE JOSH: Mark defected fom the U.S.A. and made his own country, where the legal age of consent is 9.

JOSH: I believe you.

FUTURE JOSH: Future Logan was going to come too, but he wanted to stay with Roosevelt.

JOSH: I don't blame him.

FUTURE JOSH: The rest of them... exploded.

JOSH: Even phipps*?

FUTURE JOSH: Especially phipps*.

JOSH: Meh.

FUTURE JOSH: That's what I said. And now, I must return to the future.

JOSH: But wait! How did you even get here?

FUTURE JOSH: LIKE A CHAMPION.

FUTURE JOSH vanishes.

JOSH: I EFFING LOVE ME.

THE END

*SEE EVERYTHING BEFORE THIS