This is generally how it goes down.
MATCH 1
ROUND 1
Oh yeah, time to own.
NO, THE LONGSHOT IS MINE!
YOU WHORE.
Fine, I can do without.
OH WHAT THE F***, GNASHER TO THE BACK?!
O.K., "xXCLUTCHXx", if that's how you want to play, I can play like that.
O.K., I finally got my Longshot.
BOOM HEADSHOT!1!!
Wait, is that Clutch?
I GOT SOMETHIN SPECIAL FOR YOU.
CHAINSAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!
Well I died, but it was worth it.
Oh, is that their leader?
Wait, I'm playing capture the leader?
O.K.
EFFING CLUTCH WITH HIS EFFING GNASHER.
Fine, I'll just grab my chainsaw...
AND MURDER YOU.
AGAIN.
Oh, did we win?
Cool.
MATCH 1
ROUND 2
F*** YES I AM THE LEADER.
Prescott has a very nice shirt...
F*** YOU CLUTCH.
F*** YOU AND YOUR GNASHER.
Put me down.
Now.
Uh-oh, looks like my team just rescued me.
Don't worry, I won't give you the chainsaw.
I'LL JUST PUNCH YOU UNTIL YOUR HEAD EXPLODES.
BOOSH.
WHERE IS YOUR FACE NOW?
Oh, hello Myyrah.
GET OVER HERE.
Hahaha, I'd like to see them try to save you...
I SEE YOU CLUTCH.
YOU CAN'T HIDE.
Oh, did i just kill you?
WITH YOUR QUEEN?
Guess so.
Wow, it's been 30 seconds already?
Oh well, better luck next time, Clutch.
Jerk.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
THE FUTURE WILL SUCK FOR THE REST OF YOU.
The place: My house, I guess.
The time: Like, I don't know, 7:00.
JOSH: I guess I'm at my house at like, I don't know, 7:00
There's a bright flash.
And some kind of noise, or whatever.
FUTURE JOSH: Hello, past me.
JOSH: Are you riding a velociraptor?
FUTURE JOSH: No. You are riding a velociraptor.
JOSH: I knew it was only a matter of time before that happened.
FUTURE JOSH: I have come to tell you of your future!
JOSH: Wait, when exactly are you from?
FUTURE JOSH: The year...
2031!
JOSH: That's... not that far from now.
FUTURE JOSH: Yeah, I know. It's actually about 2 years since I invented the Death Ray.
JOSH: I INVENTED THE DEATH RAY?!
FUTURE JOSH: Yes, I did.
JOSH: Who did I disintegrate first? Was it Jeremiah? I hope it was Jeremiah.
FUTURE JOSH: Unfortunately, no. Jeremiah is stuck in furry jail.
JOSH: Meh, good enough.
FUTURE JOSH: The first person you disintegrated was actually Bill O'Reilly.
JOSH: I AM AN EFFING HERO.
FUTURE JOSH: Yes, I am. The people of America banded together and bought me this fancy hat.
JOSH notices the hat.
JOSH: That is a rather fancy hat. But where did you get the velociraptor?
FUTURE JOSH: Right before I came here, I went even farther back. Back to when Teddy roosevelt was president.
JOSH: Is he as amazing as I thought he would be?
FUTURE JOSH: More. Much more.
JOSH: My god.
FUTURE JOSH: This was his velociraptor. I had to fight him for it.
JOSH: Bull. You're still alive.
FUTURE JOSH: You forget. I have a Death Ray.
JOSH: BULL. You're still alive.
FUTURE JOSH: But I also knew his one weakness. Badgers.
JOSH: You clever devil.
FUTURE JOSH: After the badgers, it was all over.
JOSH: On an unrelated note, what happened to everyone else I know?
FUTURE JOSH: Mark defected fom the U.S.A. and made his own country, where the legal age of consent is 9.
JOSH: I believe you.
FUTURE JOSH: Future Logan was going to come too, but he wanted to stay with Roosevelt.
JOSH: I don't blame him.
FUTURE JOSH: The rest of them... exploded.
JOSH: Even phipps*?
FUTURE JOSH: Especially phipps*.
JOSH: Meh.
FUTURE JOSH: That's what I said. And now, I must return to the future.
JOSH: But wait! How did you even get here?
FUTURE JOSH: LIKE A CHAMPION.
FUTURE JOSH vanishes.
JOSH: I EFFING LOVE ME.
THE END
*SEE EVERYTHING BEFORE THIS
The time: Like, I don't know, 7:00.
JOSH: I guess I'm at my house at like, I don't know, 7:00
There's a bright flash.
And some kind of noise, or whatever.
FUTURE JOSH: Hello, past me.
JOSH: Are you riding a velociraptor?
FUTURE JOSH: No. You are riding a velociraptor.
JOSH: I knew it was only a matter of time before that happened.
FUTURE JOSH: I have come to tell you of your future!
JOSH: Wait, when exactly are you from?
FUTURE JOSH: The year...
2031!
JOSH: That's... not that far from now.
FUTURE JOSH: Yeah, I know. It's actually about 2 years since I invented the Death Ray.
JOSH: I INVENTED THE DEATH RAY?!
FUTURE JOSH: Yes, I did.
JOSH: Who did I disintegrate first? Was it Jeremiah? I hope it was Jeremiah.
FUTURE JOSH: Unfortunately, no. Jeremiah is stuck in furry jail.
JOSH: Meh, good enough.
FUTURE JOSH: The first person you disintegrated was actually Bill O'Reilly.
JOSH: I AM AN EFFING HERO.
FUTURE JOSH: Yes, I am. The people of America banded together and bought me this fancy hat.
JOSH notices the hat.
JOSH: That is a rather fancy hat. But where did you get the velociraptor?
FUTURE JOSH: Right before I came here, I went even farther back. Back to when Teddy roosevelt was president.
JOSH: Is he as amazing as I thought he would be?
FUTURE JOSH: More. Much more.
JOSH: My god.
FUTURE JOSH: This was his velociraptor. I had to fight him for it.
JOSH: Bull. You're still alive.
FUTURE JOSH: You forget. I have a Death Ray.
JOSH: BULL. You're still alive.
FUTURE JOSH: But I also knew his one weakness. Badgers.
JOSH: You clever devil.
FUTURE JOSH: After the badgers, it was all over.
JOSH: On an unrelated note, what happened to everyone else I know?
FUTURE JOSH: Mark defected fom the U.S.A. and made his own country, where the legal age of consent is 9.
JOSH: I believe you.
FUTURE JOSH: Future Logan was going to come too, but he wanted to stay with Roosevelt.
JOSH: I don't blame him.
FUTURE JOSH: The rest of them... exploded.
JOSH: Even phipps*?
FUTURE JOSH: Especially phipps*.
JOSH: Meh.
FUTURE JOSH: That's what I said. And now, I must return to the future.
JOSH: But wait! How did you even get here?
FUTURE JOSH: LIKE A CHAMPION.
FUTURE JOSH vanishes.
JOSH: I EFFING LOVE ME.
THE END
*SEE EVERYTHING BEFORE THIS
Thursday, May 5, 2011
2011 "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR KNOWING ME" AWARDS
MOST EMO: phipps*
MOST OBVIOUS POTHEAD: Mark "Cracker" Ritts
MOST PROBABLY AN ASIAN: Sam
WORST CHEATER: phipps*
MOST GAY: Jeremiah
ANGRIEST BEAR: Toni
MOST DATES HIS SISTER: Logan
MOST ERIC'S MOM: Eric's Mom
ABOUT TO HAVE THE MOST CUBS: Toni
MOST HOLY CRAP I CAN'T SEE YOUR EYES: Timmy
MOST PROBABLY A FURRY WHEN HE'S ALONE: Mark
MOST OBVIOUSLY A SOCIOPATH: Jordan
BIGGEST LIE: Don't worry Jeremiah, we know you're not gay.
WHITEST: Mark
MOST AWESOME: Josh
MOST SARCASTIC SENTENCE: No, of course Jeremiah's not gay.
MOST HAHA LOSERS I HAVE A BLOG AND YOU DON'T: Josh
*SEE "AN AVERAGE CONVERSATION"
MOST OBVIOUS POTHEAD: Mark "Cracker" Ritts
MOST PROBABLY AN ASIAN: Sam
WORST CHEATER: phipps*
MOST GAY: Jeremiah
ANGRIEST BEAR: Toni
MOST DATES HIS SISTER: Logan
MOST ERIC'S MOM: Eric's Mom
ABOUT TO HAVE THE MOST CUBS: Toni
MOST HOLY CRAP I CAN'T SEE YOUR EYES: Timmy
MOST PROBABLY A FURRY WHEN HE'S ALONE: Mark
MOST OBVIOUSLY A SOCIOPATH: Jordan
BIGGEST LIE: Don't worry Jeremiah, we know you're not gay.
WHITEST: Mark
MOST AWESOME: Josh
MOST SARCASTIC SENTENCE: No, of course Jeremiah's not gay.
MOST HAHA LOSERS I HAVE A BLOG AND YOU DON'T: Josh
*SEE "AN AVERAGE CONVERSATION"
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